Can an ENTJ & an INTJ ever find Love & Happiness?

The simple answer is a conditional YES!

Being married to a Psychologist has made for many interesting experiences… every action I have ever taken has been completely analyzed… but as — I believe Freud said– sometimes a ‘cigar’ is just a cigar…. and a wife showing interest is a compliment after all.

ENTJ’s (masterminds) and INTJ’s (fieldmarshalls) are said to work well on the battlefield… assuming they are both on opposing armies… however, this isn’t intuitively supposed to be the best match-up for a couple. Personally, I needed an intelligent engineering-type woman ( who loves football)…. and Laura’s personality fit me perfectly.  Laura and I have always enjoyed seeing how the other ‘thinks’… which I guess explains why we get along. I still seem to amuse her.

On the positive side, here is some things about Entj’s and Intj’s:

ENTJ (Roger)

Likes making decisions on the basis of logic, using objective considerations

Is concerned with truth, principles and justice

Is analytical and critical, tending to see the flaws in situations

Takes an objective approach

INTJ (Laura)

Likes looking at information from a global viewpoint, spotting patterns and relationships, that lead to an understanding of the key issues

Focuses more on possibilities for the future than the here-and-now

Enjoys change, challenge, and variety

If you check out the above linked articles , you can learn more about how these two personality types might conflict… none of this has been a surprise to either of us. As for me, I learned long ago to ‘let the wookie win.’

Here are some of the areas in which ENTJ and INTJ personalities may grate on others:

INTJ (Laura’s type) (1% of the population)

being single-minded or stubborn

not taking sufficient account of current realities

not expressing appreciation for the contributions of others, particularly where it hasn’t been fully competent

not delegating

making errors of fact, and appearing to make decisions irrespective of the facts

ENTJ (Roger’s type) (2% of the population)

issuing directives sometimes without explaining the reasons why

dominating the team

not taking account of others’ feelings

driving too hard

deciding too quickly and without sufficient consultation with others

not taking sufficient account of current realities

introducing too much change, and not leaving well-established, workable routines alone.

First, I won’t admit that all of these negative traits are completely accurate about ‘snookums’ and me … but I will just say that they are common characteristics of people who hold the INTJ and ENTJ personality types. I would admit that I have been guilty of some of the negative characteristics…

Besides, it is not always our differences or similarities that — in and of themselves —  determine whether we succeed together as a couple or not… it is recognizing our similarities and building on them… and identifying the trouble spots and accommodating, compromising, acquiesing and limiting unnecessary conflict.

If you have a tendency to be a dominant type… just step back until it is really really necessary to say or do something. Sometimes it is better to let another person do it 70% correctly than jump in to close the gap to 100%.  Laura has taught me sooo much.

This goes a long way in saying…. that since Laura thinks in the long term on certain emotional issues and some issues are very important to her… it was key to let her choose the house…. and… then we could move in with her…. that has been the secret to my happiness.

In truth, Entj’s and Intj’s are natural buddies… they are referred to as “Pals” in the literature… by this they mean that ” they work and play well together… with few natural conflicts”… looking at many of the other pairings… I am blessed… but then I always knew that.

Roger Freberg

UPDATE & FOLLOW UP !

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