Roger's View of the World, Love and Seafood Gumbo!
Seize the Day! Put no trust in the morrow! — Horace
Remembering any anniversary, guys, isn’t all that tough… if you make it a game.
The ‘prize’ ( you choose) goes to the one who remembers first. I always thought it was unmistakeably romantic of the Germans to have an anniversary for 400 months of marital bliss… very cool.
Happy 413th month anniversary, Hun. Thanks for keeping it fun.
Roger
Have you ever thought about dying or your death. This is not a subject that a lot of folks like to talk about, because it is…. so personal. Besides, most people don’t think it’ll ever happen to them … and when it does… they just seem surprised.
I’ll leave the discussion of death and rebirth to those who understand it better… but I would like to talk about the real meaning of death , as it affects other people. After all, the only thing we are really sure of is after someone ‘passes on’, a void is left behind… that often — surprisingly — is quickly filled.
This brings me to the story of Ol’ Art… as a retired stock broker I have witnessed the aftermath of what happens to friends and families once someone passes on. Art was a crotchety, grumpy WWII vet with a thriftiness that would make even ol’ Scrooge smile. When he died, his wife of more than 50 years was devastated. As was true of many women of her day, she had little interest in the finances of the home and now worried that she was penniless and would have to live with her children. Her kids didn’t love the idea either.
Soon, Maggie and one of her daughters came to visit me in my office to find out what Ol’ Vern had in assets. Her reaction was typical. When she discovered that they were — in fact — ‘comfortably well off’, she burst into a stream of very unlady like statements about poor old , cheap and cantankerous Art. Let me say that Art was a good man, but he didn’t care enough about ‘life after he was gone’ to help his family cope with all the changes… some have been good, some bad and some plain funny.
Today, Maggie has a new beau named ‘Vern.’ Blushing, she leaned over to me and said,” Vern is nothing like Art… he chases me around the bed post every night!” They take cruises and visit her far flung children. They are having the wonderful time…. until the money runs out.
This story is amusing… but also tells of a changing perspective that comes with our death or the ones we love. Should we care about what others think about us when we are gone? … maybe, maybe not. However, although it may be hard to accept… our death isn’t just ‘about us.’ We would be best served to help others prepare for the loss and… hopefully, be remembered fondly by those most close when we are no longer there.
Roger Freberg
A wiser and much older man once gave me a piece of golden advice after reflecting on his happy and successful life… it didn’t mean much to me then… because I was only 10 years old, but I promised to file it away until such time as it may be of use.
He said,” You can never be happy , if she is not happy.” I won’t say that I have always remembered his advice… but it has kept me from falling into those mantraps that few marriages ever survive.
Now, I think most people realize that you really don’t make anyone happy in this world by giving them everything they ever wanted. You make them happy by creating an environment and providing the tools and resources that aid any person in achieving their personal goals.
Laura passed on an article entitled, “Spouse’s Personality May be Hazardous to your health.” As you will discover, the article deals with how the personality of a ‘patient’ recovering from a health issue directly affects the emotional happiness of the caregiving spouse.
The most important lesson of this study is a simple one: “Optimism in one spouse appeared to have beneficial effects for the partner.” So, there are many things one can do to lighten the mood in a home… here are just a few:
1) Allow the sun into the home… keep the windows open.
2) Place fresh flowers in the most heavily used parts of your home.
3) Keep the environment pleasant… light music, ample reading material and a willingness to talk and listen.
4) Bake and cook what others enjoy. All homes feel better with fresh bread in the oven…. the smell is enticing and unmistakeable.
When a family member is down… it’s up to everyone — including the one afflicted — to keep the mood light.
Roger Freberg
There’s a fun movie… an old one (1935)… that has been a family favorite around here for … well.. a very long time.
It is based on the light opera the ‘Merry Widow’ and stars in the film adaptation with Jannette MacDonald as the ‘widow’ and Maurice Chevalier as ‘the lover’.
The story is an old one… and forgetting about the overall plot for a moment … it really addresses the question… can a career playboy really settle down?
In the movies… yes… in real life… no.
However, it is worth the watch as it will make you smile. The Merry Widow actually won an Oscar… which is surprising given the fact that most Oscar winning movies have fallen into the dust bin of time. The humor is priceless… here the king is worried about a revolution:
King Achmet: So they’re blaming me, huh?
Valet: For everything. They’re even telling jokes about your majesty.
King Achmet: Are they funny?
Valet: No.
King Achmet: That’s bad.
Some may find this movie to be less real in the world of today… Even in Britney & Paris‘s circles … and in the wake of the partying McKinney High school cheerleaders… redemption, love and marriage are not totally lost or forgotten…. possibly… just hibernating.
Besides, if a lasting relationship is what you want… Love and marriage is as strong and durable as any two people wish to make it.
One of the best researchers into relationships is John Gottman of the University of Washington… the last I heard he was interested in how successful relationships maintain themselves… as opposed to just reparing those that break up. You can read more here.
Roger Freberg
In Texas, we say, ” money talks and bull sh*t walks!” and “don’t tell me you love me… show me!”
Alabama showed how much they want Nick Sabin by giving him an eight year $ 32 million contract! Now… that boy Urban the Legend Meyer in Florida has a seven year $14 million dollar contract… what does that really say to you?
So , when we look down the road in the SEC for the next couple of years, Urban better get what he can this year ’cause there’re a few big boys in the league… including Steve Spurrier about 12 mil or more.
The SEC just got more exciting… and somewhere, Bear Bryant is showing a small smile.
Roger Freberg