An interesting study is about to be unveiled shortly at a Toronto conference this month that should shed a little light on why some relationships continue to grow… while others wain and still others expire. In the past, too much time — I think — has been spent to try to understand why relationships fail, so it is very refreshnig to look at the real trick … why do some relationships work?
Most people believe that it is the big and little sacrifices we do for each other that shows how much we care. However, this is only part of the story. What most folks don’t know — and research is beginning to show — is that sacrifices ‘willingly’ made… ‘cheerfully’ given… are the ones that endear us to others. Possibly, because we recognize that although their effort and kindness is a ‘choice’, they care more about our needs than their own inconvenience.
When someone does something ‘willingly’ for you — you know at a most profound level — that someone loves you. It is hard not to love someone in return who will move across the country, change jobs, or do the dishes with a smile. The smile makes all the difference.
So, if you are troubled about your relationship(s), ask yourself… what have I done to lighten another’s burden, to help advance some of their dreams or to put their happiness over my own? You’ve failed, if it is ‘all about you.’
As in the “Princess Bride”, sometimes the best answer to any request is”… as you wish.” And don’t forget to look them in the eye… and smile.
Roger Freberg
