You could say that I have had three lives. I grew up in the ‘middle of the pack’ as a child always a bit wirey priding myself on my ability to sprint and jump. As I got older, I grew to be on the tall side (6-04) and found sports more in sync with my new body type. My third life was a struggle to stop growing out since I already stopped growing up…. this is a constant battle.
Recently, I ran into an old friend I haven’t seen since grad school and he commented typically on how much we had changed and that he jokingly always thought of me as his ‘fat friend.’ He moaned about how much bigger he was than me today. He then pried my secrets of weight reduction(Jenny Craig) but — I confess — I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I actually felt too heavy after the holidays and I was in the process of taking off the excess Christmas cheer.
So, the moral is that I don’t think everyone needs a fat friend to make them feel better, but slim friends ( or ex-fat friends) help make the transition back to normality easier. My guess that the next time I see him he will be as I remembered him… and without all his medication.
During the 70’s, I worked in New York City which was — very frankly — not as nice as it is today. It was during a period of time in which there were a number of women professionals that would search every man’s gesture and speech for clues of his hidden suppression-of-all-women agenda. For a guy like me this was fun times.
I worked as a marketing guy for a very buttoned up straight laced firm just beyond grand central station. Fortunately or unfortunately for me, I was plagued with all the manners of another time and place. I would open doors for women, say ‘yes ma’am’ and add all the pleasantries that symbolize all sorts of monstrous things to very insecure women. Eventually I got used to the change in civility, but I couldn’t resist ‘tweaking’ a few of the more offended. I would usually arrive early to work ( by 7am) and obligingly opened the door for one woman who then refused to cross the threshold… I was amused and this was very dangerous to amuse me. So from then on, I would open the door with a flourish and bow very deeply to everyone’s delight … or maybe, just the men laughed but it was great fun. Today, fun times are still always abundant.
My family and I have all enjoyed the Stargate series on television with space travel, the over-the-top bad guys and the wonderful cliché’s. One scene contained something for me: the bad guy (Ba’al) washed his hands and said to his female slaves, “there is a god standing here with wet hands.” Lovely! Not long ago, when our local coffee shop was filled with what one might like to call ‘tough women’… you know the type: short hair, lots of cats and a perpetual snarl. I stood up and said ‘there is a god standing here with no coffee!’ Laura — on cue — ran ‘obediently’ with my coffee and the reaction of the women present was delightful…. but to the men, I was a god. Laura loves to tell this story with a smile.
Sometimes, I feel that the world is far too filled with a bitterness and too little fun. This is so unnecessary as men and women inescapably need each other. Besides, we all need a good chuckle…. and we all need to laugh a lot more… and — yes — I still open doors, Ma’am.
it is amazing how so few honest words spoken openly at the right time to the right person can have a life altering effect
Most research seems to try to explain or predict why things go wrong. The line of questioning is always the same. Why did his heart stop beating? Why do some relationships end? Or, as Bob asked, “What IF my bladder explodes?” We have a tendency to focus on the negative and all too often fail to look at ‘why things go right.’ We study why people become fat, but little publicity goes toward sharing research on how many many people stay slim. In the practical world, people look for positive answers to avoiding negative consequences. After all, watching people do things right, be they a young player watching an older football player or observing a happy individual can teach us a lot. Focusing on studying negative outcomes has value, but truly successful and happy people focus on what works!
It’s not that we should give up research into what goes wrong, but we should also move to the next step and ask , “what does this say — if anything — about those who are succeeding and happy?” Are there any heuristics (rules of thumb) for happiness for example? I think a quick look into the world of literature can shed a little light on the situation. Many have written in their critiques that Jane Austin’s stories would greatly simplify if her characters would actually talk to one another. I am reminded that Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth in “Pride & Prejudice” would dance with each other over hundreds of pages , each misinterpreting the other because neither would do one simple thing… talk candidly, honestly, straightforwardly and openly with each other. If they said what they meant and meant what they said, then there would be little drama and no story. Unlike Jane Austin, most of us like to minimize unnecessary drama.
Of course there is risk in this ‘honesty’ thing and it isn’t for the uninitiated. Being honest also means becoming vulnerable and often hearing what you don’t want to hear. However, although dealing with the truth can be challenging, it is at least a good starting point to plan and launch toward a new and happier life. Besides, lying to yourself or others should be kept to important matters … for example, how would you answer if your partner in life asks whether or not their new pair of pants makes them look fat? How would you answer this universal unsolvable question? Personally, I think a variation of a line from Zelda fits best,
” Forgive me for staring, I didn’t really hear the question as your beauty left me without words.”
Okay, a bit corny… but honesty also means avoiding minefields and still being tactful. Looking in the mirror honestly every day is good for one’s relationships, charting your course in life, one’s professional research and one’s soul.
Life is supposed to be interesting and my daughters certainly love to do curious things. Sometimes they are a bit too ‘interesting’ for their mother… but I do see much of their mother in them. Laura is a professor who loves what she does and, by her example, our daughters have had the academic experience of both sitting in the seats and at the lectern. They both have masters degrees and have the genuine thirst that comes with life long learners.
Kristin is competent and professional, but her appearance has generated a few comments from friends and family with the moniker “Combat Engineer Barbie.” She just tactfully smiles when she hears it.
Kristin has finished her second tour of Iraq, the first coming at the original invasion in 2003. We have had some glimpses into her life as we all are ‘friends’ on facebook and Kristin has been nice enough to share some of her everyday life with us. Her Army future seems to be planned out for the next few years… and I hear, that teaching for a while at her alma mater West Point may be in the works. With Kristin soon to be on the east coast near Karen, I suspect that they will continue their travel adventures together as Kristin has leave.
Laura and I work well together… however, when we are both in the kitchen it becomes a bit of a struggle… but making this wonderful dish brought us together for our anniversary… now 37 years married.
We married at the ripe old age of 20 and one of our favorite places to go was “Madame Wu’s” in Santa Monica. MW’s was a gourmet Chinese restaurant … a bit unique for the time but a wonderful experience. Making this particular ‘sweet & sour pork’ recipe brought those fond memories back.
The future is always uncertain, but I hope we have many more of these wonderful years and incomparable meals!
You could say that I have had three lives. I grew up in the ‘middle of the pack’ as a child always a bit wirey priding myself on my ability to sprint and jump. As I got older, I grew to be on the tall side (6-04) and found sports more in sync with my new body type. My third life was a struggle to stop growing out since I already stopped growing up…. this is a constant battle.
