I am always fascinated by articles preaching to women on what a bad situation they have in life IF they get married.
Certainly, some women will find this article oddly compelling and in a way help rationalize their own decisions & current situation:
“Might I suggest that women have more of a “taste” for housework because they are shamed into it when they are even quite small.They are taught it is their responsibility. As a friend of mine once said, “Where in the marriage vows does it say, ‘The wife shall clean the toilets?’ I have as much “taste for hou(S)ework” as I have for rancid porridge. – Julienne”
The author and Julienne seemed to be surprised that being married is more ‘work.’ Choose to have a family and the ‘work’ increases logarithmically…. for everyone.
Another outdated argument… and allow me to paraphrase: ‘women are victims of our environment and of men… blah blah’. I found it amusing that the post was on an evolutionary psychology site… which would — by it’s ‘nature’ — be less sympatheic.. Besides, it goes without saying , Julienne is single.
Here are a few thoughts on love and marriage:
1) MARRIAGE COMES WITH STRINGS ATTACHED
Please forgive me if I don’t shed a few tears that a few ‘strings’ may be attached when anyone gets married. Marriage is all about ‘strings.’ Everyone walks into any relationship with hopes and expectations. However, obtaining ‘full disclosure’ is usually discovered only AFTER we are married… for better or worse. Strangely enough, ‘living together’ is less revealing for most couples….
2) FAMILIES (2 or more) FUNCTION BEST COMMUNALLY
Marriages and families are best as a communal system…. ‘from each according to their abilities and to each according to their needs.’ Mother goes back to school, we all pitch in to pick up the slack. Children go to college, resources are mustered to get them through. If dad comes home from a tough physical job, leave him be and hand him a beer. By the way, Communism works best ONLY in a family.
3) WORK IS GOOD FOR YOU…
If you think you are giving your partner 80%, chances are that the ‘other’ person is making most of the concessions. Does this surprise you? To make this work… in any business, marriage or family… we must recognized that it is in our ‘enightened self-interest’ to help, support and comfort those who will give us pride and happiness in the future. The effort and time placed into your relationships… is what increases it’s chance of continuing survival… and mutual satisfaction into those far off ‘golden years.’.
By the way, ‘keeping score’ in any relationship is key to conflict without resolution. Men and women have needed each other for thousands of years…. and accepting the fact that any relationship increases the number of tasks and ‘duties as assigned’ by all parties is just a fact of life. Concequently, there is a price for playing this game… but it also has it’s rewards.
Finding your partner in marriage makes one’s life richer, happier and fuller… but it does mean more inconvenience and work for all.
Roger Freberg
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There are a lot of wonderful films out today… many of which you will never see at the Oscars… but are valuable none-the-less.