Have you ever thought about dying or your death. This is not a subject that a lot of folks like to talk about, because it is…. so personal. Besides, most people don’t think it’ll ever happen to them … and when it does… they just seem surprised.
I’ll leave the discussion of death and rebirth to those who understand it better… but I would like to talk about the real meaning of death , as it affects other people. After all, the only thing we are really sure of is after someone ‘passes on’, a void is left behind… that often — surprisingly — is quickly filled.
This brings me to the story of Ol’ Art… as a retired stock broker I have witnessed the aftermath of what happens to friends and families once someone passes on. Art was a crotchety, grumpy WWII vet with a thriftiness that would make even ol’ Scrooge smile. When he died, his wife of more than 50 years was devastated. As was true of many women of her day, she had little interest in the finances of the home and now worried that she was penniless and would have to live with her children. Her kids didn’t love the idea either.
Soon, Maggie and one of her daughters came to visit me in my office to find out what Ol’ Vern had in assets. Her reaction was typical. When she discovered that they were — in fact — ‘comfortably well off’, she burst into a stream of very unlady like statements about poor old , cheap and cantankerous Art. Let me say that Art was a good man, but he didn’t care enough about ‘life after he was gone’ to help his family cope with all the changes… some have been good, some bad and some plain funny.
Today, Maggie has a new beau named ‘Vern.’ Blushing, she leaned over to me and said,” Vern is nothing like Art… he chases me around the bed post every night!” They take cruises and visit her far flung children. They are having the wonderful time…. until the money runs out.
This story is amusing… but also tells of a changing perspective that comes with our death or the ones we love. Should we care about what others think about us when we are gone? … maybe, maybe not. However, although it may be hard to accept… our death isn’t just ‘about us.’ We would be best served to help others prepare for the loss and… hopefully, be remembered fondly by those most close when we are no longer there.
Roger Freberg