I guess I could have said,”don’t marry a professional man”, but this was the title of an article in Forbes by Michael Noer that caused a whole lot of ladies to get their panties in a twist.
Noer’s article states some facts — well known to social scientists, — which are viewed as a call to arms by the masses of women who think that they ‘can have it all’ without any tradeoffs. Funny how life is full of tradeoffs.
Many of us — old enough to remember — can hear the shrill voices of the liberal sages telling us that if a woman works… it will really be okay… and her children will actually benefit from the separation… because she will return ( ta da!) to the home and give her family ‘QUALITY time.’ I also remember when one couldn’t criticize the concept of ‘quality time’ without being accused of being an facist islamic fundamentalist…. or the equivalent.
Today, we realize that the much revered concept of ‘quality time’ is actually a crock. Nothing good came out of it. Women, men and families were not prepared for the challenges. Children went adrift, families suffered and many relationships disolved overnight.
I think this definition of ‘quality time’ makes a lot more sense in today’s realities:
QUALITY TIME: the time you spend with your family when you are not otherwise ignoring them.
The same is true with your ‘significant other’. There is no such thing as quality time…only time. The less time you spend with anyone, the easier it is to grow apart. Hmmm…
To be fair, Noer is not talking about all working women (70% of all women with children under 18), he is focusing on the college educated (or more) women who work more than 35 hours a week and make good money. He uses research to back up his claims and — to his credit — he points out that ‘correlation is not causation’… that is to say, just because you fall into a certain group/category… that doesn’t forcast who you are as an individual. However the ‘career gals’ were just looking for a fight.
ABC was quick to pick up on the fight and published a little diddy on the internet battle… but , they didn’t interview the author. Are we surprised? When people throw stones, I like to see who they are. If you google some of the women who sounded the alarms, one thing is fairly clear to me… their career seems to be the focus of their lives and you won’t find anything about their relationships… unless, I suspect, it is about their cats. Oh, I guess they are just trying to be ‘professional’? Hmmmmm.
Here’s a quote from one ‘highly educated & well paid’ gal:
“Better educated women are going to [have] more alternatives,
and so they’re going to be more likely to walk out of a bad marriage,”
Fisher said. “They’re not going to be any more likely to run
out on a good marriage.”
When you read something like this… you can just visualize her at the door with suitcases packed in a constant ‘holding’ pattern. After all, ‘good’ and ‘bad’ are such relative terms. I can hear her saying to her friends,”I left a bad marriage (because he squeezed the tooth paste in the center) boo hoo.” In my humble opinion, these women have increased choices and opportunities… but in reality, not everyone knows how to use power, even for their own well being. Often times, the expression of such power and the slaming of the door ruins more than their own lives…. and they seldom see it coming.
Finally, what I found most disturbing was the complete lack of toleration for the opinion of another person… especially since he was armed with the facts. Here’s another quote from the same female ‘academic’:
“I’m surprised that the man thinks it. I’m astonished that
he wrote it. And I’m astonished that anyone published it,
particularly Forbes,” she said.
Sounds a bit strident and ‘over the top.’ However, you have to understand that academics are known for censorship… on a personal note, I am painfully aware of the ‘politically correct’ speech required in order for someone to even exist on many college campuses today. You don’t need a sign to tell you that “Conservatives need not apply”. Fortunately, free speech is a right in America and there are organizations that exist to protect the free speech of all…. especially in academia.
So you may be thinking, what does the picture at the top of this page have to do with this article? Well, if you look closely, you can see both an old lady and a young woman. I guess what I am tryng to say is that we all grow old far to fast and it is the positive relationships that we make over time that really make us happy.
If ‘career’ is our focus rather than other relationships, the things that we really should love will not be there for us… when we are ready to enjoy them in our retirement. Nobody will know or really care about you… because you invested your ‘time’ elsewhere.
Roger Freberg