For those folks around my age can look back on the first half century of our lives with some amusement. Yes, we were supposed to be the ‘leisure generation’, our biggest challenge was how we were going to take care of ourselves in all of our ‘spare’ time? Well, a lot of those delusions have been laid to rest over the intervening decades. It is interesting to note that few of the ‘truisms’ from the 60’s and 70’s have any ‘relevance’ today.
A lot of what permeated popular culture via the media from those years has been resoundly repudiated either through research or from one’s own practical experience. The ‘alternative’ lifestyles from this timeframe have virtually dissolved …. and their ‘purpose’ seemed to have provided no useful service to society other than to delay procreation and the much feared ‘over population’ tsunami! Our population has grown, but from immigration alone.
In any event, the much abused ‘institution’ of marriage is making a comeback. The reasons are very simple:
“the data are clear: you’ll live longer, stay saner, get richer, and be happier.” — Maggie Gallagher
Maggie makes a lot of good points. I liked her point that the longer you are married the better the marriage and happier it can become. Obviously, the cynic will say that this is because each individual has more to lose as time goes by, basically, more to divide in half. However, She brings out the obvious, that any two committed people can resolve their issues over time… yes, there will be conflice, but with conflict comes resolution and with resolution comes greater love and respect for each other.
Maggie has her list of top 10 reasons why marriage is good for you… allow me to add my own version:
1. You will live longer. Facts are facts.
2) You will be happier.
3) You will be more successful. The role of the supportive spouse and couple has always been a key to success. Besides, happy people are more fun to be around.
4) You will be richer. 1 Plus 1 equals 2 paychecks. This is high math.
5) Your children will be safer. Two can watch the kids better than 1 or 1 1/2.
6) You will be safer. Married couples tend to have longer and healthier lives, both married men and women tend to live longer.
7) You won’t go crazy. I think it goes without saying that the swinging bachelor life is not what some people make it out to be and then there is the cats issue. A single woman and her 12 cats are not attractive. Having someone who can throw a dose of reality on you time and again… is good for the soul.
8) Your children will be closer to you. The biggest and most troubling aspect of divorce for many parents is the fact that in some very important ways they also separate from their children over time. Custody doesn’t seem to be the issue, frequency of contact, new unwanted relationships entering the picture for the child , and separation and failure of trust are big obstacles to staying close.
9) Your family of origin will have less impact on your life. The family in which you were raised holds a strong grip on many people as they enter marriage and it isn’t always with the best of intentions. Breaking that hold and forming a bond with a new person in creating a new family is a huge challenge for many young couples. These prior relationships can become a point of contention when issues regarding ‘eldercare’ pop up in later years are not addressed early.
10) You will be more centered. There is nothing like piloting your own ship to give you the confidence to weather every storm. The fact that you depend on others and they on you provides the center from which you can deal with the world.
As for me in married life, I can say that I have been very happy. 34 years is not a life time, but I am enjoying the ‘journey.” We were married at 20 years old in the Judges Chambers of Superior Court in downtown Los Angeles and left for our apartment near UCLA for our inexpensive honeymoon. The strange thnig was meeting the guys the next day for a team workout and guys asking me about the ‘ring’? I didn’t want to tell them i was married the day before… so I told them we had been married for a while.
I hope your ‘journey is as pleasant”.
Roger Freberg
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